Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Transformation Tuesday: Once Upon an Eating Disorder

Happy Transformation Tuesday Fitfam!

Sometimes when we think about transformations in fitness, the first thing that comes to mind is weight loss; which is awesome!! Other times though, we forget about the transformation that have gone the opposite direction, with growth changes in both the body and mind. With that being said, here is my story.

💫Once Upon an Eating Disorder... 💫 

It has taken me a while to find a happy balance with my body. I've always been super self conscious and never satisfied or content with my own body, starting as early as high school. I let a silly number control my life. I started out how I looked on the left. I was 17 and suddenly became obsessed with the number on the scale, the number in my jeans; NUMBERS. If I wasn't under 120 pounds and a size 0, I wasn't happy. (May I remind you, I'm 5'10, and that is NOT a weight that is anywhere close to healthy for my height). My freshmen year of college, I was a collegiate athlete playing both indoor and beach volleyball, and was told by my strength and conditioning coach that at 5'10, 122 lbs and 19.5% body fat, that I was a "Skinny Fat Girl". If someone told me that now, I would laugh and shake it off. But being that fragile 18 year old in a new place for college, learning what it's like be away from home, in a controlling relationship and in the state of mind that I was already in, it wasn't something I could just shake off. That 18 year old girl heard "FAT" and that's when my anorexia turned into anorexia athletica. In the middle picture, you can see what my body had withered away to. My arms were twigs, my hipbones were protruding far past my actual stomach, you could count every bone in my sternum. Despite family and friend concerns, I convinced myself I wasn't hungry, barely ate anything if I was, and would run about 5 miles a day with a 1 hour workout a day. In my mind though, I was still FINE. I was always tired, I can't even explain how tired I was after a volleyball match. I was starving both literally and figuratively for self happiness. I hated so many things about my body. God forbid I walked past a mirror or scale because those were prime opportunities to tear myself apart. It was such a mind game. One day I woke up and just didn't want to feel like that anymore, and I finally made a decision to change. I got out of the controlling, unhealthy relationship I was in, (little did I know how big of a part that was playing in my negative self image), strengthened my relationship with God, and started to learn about fitness and nutrition. With my new self freedom and newly found knowledge in fitness and nutrition, I started my fitness journey. I put on 15 lbs, and found out how much better I feel with the proper nutrition and working out combination. A year later, I met the man of my dreams, who showed me what it's truly like to be loved and appreciated by your significant other, and through his love, taught me to love myself. So through God, my loving Godly boyfriend and family, and fitness, I have found a healthy balance! In the final picture above, a happy healthy girl, who has learned from her experience and grown from it. Fitness and health is a lifestyle change, not a fad or a temporary fix. ❤ 

Respect the process, enjoy the journey, and love yourself every step of the way ❤

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